Doubts
by NatasJa92
Summary: Merlin has doubts and makes a decision. Don't like slash, don't read it.


**Title**: Doubts

**Pairing**: MerlinxArthur

**Rating**: G

**Spoilers**: none.

**Warning**: angst, kisses

**Disclaimer**: They don't belong to me, but to the BBC and Shine

**Summary**: Merlin has doubts and makes a decision.

**Note**: This is my first Merlin fic, so please be nice.

Doubts

It was always like this. He would do something 'wrong' again en the prince would be angry at him for the next couple of days. Then suddenly Arthur would act like nothing ever happened.

It hadn't been like this before. But it had changed after that one hunting trip. They had been hunting two whole days already and somehow they hadn't caught anything yet. And this time it wasn't because Merlin was chasing all the animals away. So after the third day of catching nothing, Arthur decided to go back to Camelot.

And that was when everything changed. Well not everything but he felt like Arthur had a hard way dealing with him on some moments. And Merlin just didn't understand it at all. He really didn't.

So now he had done something wrong again without knowing what he did wrong. He had walked in with Arthur's breakfast like every morning and then Arthur had told him that he had done it wrong again. After that the prince hadn't said anything to him anymore for the rest of the day.

As he was laying in his bed he started thinking about it. It was likely that Arthur would be the same tomorrow and the day after that. And right now Merlin didn't feel like dealing with a silent Arthur who ignored him the whole day without giving the reason why he was being ignored. At that moment Merlin decided that he would arrange another servant for the next two days or so, till Arthur had calmed down again and was his usual self again.

Making this decision he felt sad. After all he liked to be around Arthur even if the prince was treating him like any other servant. Also he loved the man, even through he would never admit that to anyone but him self. Because if he did he knew what kind of reaction he would get. Especially from the prince him self.

He sighed, it didn't seem like the torture would ever be over. Even if he wouldn't serve Arthur for the next two days he would still think every moment of the man. He just couldn't stop him self. Maybe he needed a break from everything that was bothering him.

Maybe he could ask Gaius if the man needed some herbs that he could gather. Then he would be able to take his mind of Arthur. And maybe the older man needed him for something different. Also he could finally read in his magic book. It had been awhile since he had some free time on his hands. And he decided to make the best of it. And maybe get Arthur out of his mind for some time.

The next morning he got up early. He hurried to were most of the other servants were staying and quickly arranged another servant for Arthur. Then he got back to bed to sleep some more.

Two hours later he was waked up by Gaius. Who was looking at him with a look that told Merlin that he was in some trouble and that he had some explaining to do. He sat up and started to explain why he was still in his bed instead of taking care of the prince needs.

Gaius smiled after he had told everything. The man could tell that something between the prince and Merlin had changed. So maybe it was good that Merlin had taken some time off. Also he could use some help.

After they had breakfast they went to collect the herbs Gaius needed. And like Merlin had hoped it took his mind of a certain someone. But when they came back to their house he was reminded of that someone again.

The next day went by without anything special happening. Merlin had checked with the servant how everything went and if Arthur had been any different. The servant only told him that the prince had been very busy. Also the servant hadn't been working very long as a servant so he didn't know how Arthur acted normally.

When Merlin was back in his own little room he wondered why Arthur hadn't even send for him. The prince had let it all happen. And that wasn't like Arthur at all. He noticed that it kind of hurt him that Arthur had let it happen so easily.

Then he figured that maybe the prince had been acting different after their hunting trip because he wasn't satisfied with Merlin anymore. He sighed; maybe Arthur finally saw how useless he really was. Everybody in the castle had been telling that Merlin was really useless for a prince. Arthur always made clear that he didn't agree with anyone. But maybe the prince had finally noticed just how useless Merlin was.

Realizing this made him hurt. He shook his head. If this was the case then he wouldn't go back to being Arthur's servant anymore. He would let the new one take care of the prince. Since the prince him self didn't even care about who served him.

Then he felt something wet on his fingers. When he looked down he saw that he was crying. He was crying because the man he loved and promised to protect for the rest of his life wouldn't accept him. Not even as a simple servant.

He lay down on his bed. Slowly crying him self to sleep.

After a week had gone by without any word from Arthur he had given hope up completely. He had hoped that Arthur would want to know why he wasn't serving him anymore but apparently he had been wrong about that.

So he continued to help Gaius out and do the things he liked. He got to practice his magic a lot more now that he had enough free time. That was one thing he really loved. Also it helped to take his mind of the prince and all the questions he had.

Then when he came back from practicing his magic he saw that Arthur was waiting before his house. He gasped; it had been a little more then a week since he had last seen the prince. But god, how had he missed him. He wanted to turn around but when he took a look at Arthur he knew he had been spotted. So he walked until he stood a couple of feet away from Arthur. There he stood still and looked at the ground. He just couldn't look the prince in the eye.

''Where have you been, Merlin?'' Arthur asked him in a cold voice. He shivered when he heard the voice from the prince. By the sound of it, Arthur wasn't happy with him. So he decided to get it over quickly. ''I have been helping Gaius.'' He answered without looking up.

They stood awkwardly for some time until Arthur broke the silence again. With one simple question, ''Why?''

'' How do you mean, why?'' He quietly asked. Afraid to upset the man.

'' I mean just what I said. Why have you been helping Gaius?'' Arthur said with a sigh.

Merlin thought for awhile. First he decided to lie. But then he figured out that lying wouldn't help him at all. '' Well, I have had some free time now for the last couple of days and Gaius could use some help so I decided to help him out a little.''

'' Then also tell me why I have a new servant? Also, look at me when I talk to you, Merlin.''

He slowly looked up. But he still refused to look directly at the prince. He shrugged his shoulders before replying. '' Well, I thought you didn't need me anymore, so I thought…'' He was interrupted by Arthur before he could finish. '' What do you mean?''

'' Well, since our last hunting trip you started to act different. Also sometimes you would tell me I did something wrong without me knowing what exactly I did wrong. Then you ignore me for some days before acting like nothing happened afterwards. I just didn't get it. So I figured you were tired of me.'' He slowly said. Again he was looking down. So he missed Arthur's reaction completely.

Arthur chuckled. '' I first thought that you were sick or something, but after some days I wondered why you weren't back yet. So I decided to find out for myself.'' He heard Arthur coming closer until they were almost touching.

He closed his eyes; he couldn't handle this right now. It was hard enough to see Arthur after a week without seeing him. Then he felt a hand underneath his chin, lifting his head up. '' Open your eyes, Merlin.'' A soft whisper.

He slowly did as he was told and he was looking straight into Arthur's eyes. '' You thought I finally thought that you were useless, weren't you?'' The man asked him. He released the breath he had been holding when he felt Arthur's breath on his lips as the prince had spoken.

He slowly shook his head, but he knew Arthur knew he was right. '' Don't think that. Don't ever think that you are useless, Merlin. Because if you were I would have gotten rid of you a long time ago.''

Then Arthur leaned towards him and kissed his lips softly. He was so stunned and shocked that he didn't even react to the kiss. He was staring with wide eyes at the man before him. Arthur was smiling a knowing smile. But why, Merlin had no idea.

The prince released his chin but instead of backing off, like Merlin had expected, Arthur's arms went around his waist and he was pulled close. He laid his head on Arthur's chest and willed his heart to calm down. But somehow he couldn't do it. Also he really wanted to know what the hell was going on.

He started to speak but stopped when he felt the arms around him tighten. A moment later the prince started to talk in a soft voice. Only for him to hear. '' I'm sorry for acting so weird after the hunting trip. But I realized something while we were hunting. It surprised me and maybe shocked me a little. But I never wanted to take it out on you. Also like I said before, I don't think you are useless. To me you aren't. Also, I love you.'' The last part was whispered very softly. He had to strain his ears to hear it but he did anyway.

He froze when he heard the three words he had never expected to hear from Arthur. This didn't stay unnoticed by the prince. Slowly the arms around him started to retreat. Until they were standing before each other without touching again.

He looked up at Arthur and saw an expression he hadn't seen before. Doubt. He quickly smiled; he wasn't going to ruin this. So he softly replayed with his own answer. '' I love you, too. '' Before he kissed Arthur.

When they needed to catch some air they broke apart. They touched their foreheads together while looking at each other. After some time Arthur said in a rough voice, '' Also I want you back as my servant, starting tomorrow.'' Merlin smiled, he knew everything was right again between them. No, it was even better then that. '' Like you wish, milord.'' He softly whispered to the prince.

'' But before that you have to do something else for me.'' Arthur said with a smirk. Merlin shivered when he saw the heated look in the man's eyes. Yeah, everything was more then right between them.

The End

So what did you think?


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